Run over by a truck!

I ran over Mason with the truck!  This happened the week before last.  I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “What the heck?”, but it was an accident.  You see, I don’t have my license or my permit.  Therefore I don’t really know a lot about driving yet.  Mason has been slowly teaching me and everything, but we haven’t had much time to get in practice or anything.  What you may think is common sense didn’t work that way for me. 

Let me explain.  Mason was working on his muffler again.  He had just finished it, and he asked me to hop in the truck and start it.  I’ve done this before, but he’s always reminded me to make sure it was in neutral (our truck is standard).  This time he didn't.  He was lying under the truck right at the drive tire, the back passenger tire. 

After I started it, I dropped the clutch.  Not quick enough to stall it, but fast enough that the truck moved forward pretty quick with plenty of momentum. 

This is where it gets hard for me to talk about.  I can’t talk about this to anyone without tearing up.  I am honestly scarred by this incident.  It was just yesterday that I started the truck again, and it took some persuasion from Mason to do so. 

Anyways, I heard Mason scream.  I’m not sure if he screamed my name or just screamed in general.  My first reaction was to push in the clutch because my foot was already there, and then I slammed on the brakes.  I had realized what I had done, but I didn’t want to believe it.  I mean, how can you run over the love of your life?  How stupid could I be? 

After that I froze for a second.  I didn’t know what to do, or what to expect.  I put on the emergency brake and ran out of the truck, screaming for Mason.  He didn’t answer.  This terrified me.  I had no idea what I was going to see. 

So, I reached him, and he had gotten out of the stone driveway and was lying in the grass.  He was awake, and he told me he was okay.  I automatically started crying.  What was weird was that I couldn’t shed tears at first.  I was just making the crying noise, but I couldn’t actually cry. 

It wasn’t until everything actually hit me that I started really crying, and I couldn’t stop.  Mason kept repeating that he was okay, but I didn’t want to believe it.  I mean I wanted to, but how could he be okay?  I had run him over.  How could I do something so horrible?  These were all the things running through my mind. 

Meanwhile, Mason was of course in pain, but he was completely alert.  Later on he told me that he thinks he may have blacked out because he didn’t hear me screaming for him at first.  I asked him if his stomach hurt because that had been where I had run him over, but he pushed on his stomach and said no.  He didn’t think he had anything wrong with him internally. 

That was a relief, and extremely surprising.  At this time, I was still crying and I could not hold it together.  Mason kept telling me that it was okay, and that it wasn’t my fault, but I couldn’t believe him. 

What you’re going to find completely surprising is that Mason was not seriously injured.  We did not need to take him to the hospital or anything.  The truck had run over his lower abdomen, and his hips.  His back was bruised and cut up pretty good from the stones under him, and his hips were bruised too.  He was really sore for about a week, but he is fine now.  The cuts are almost completely healed. 

When other people learned what had happened, they didn’t believe that he was okay.  Nor did they believe that he hadn’t gone to the hospital. 

I want to tell you that I believe this was a miracle.  Keep in mind that our truck is an extended cab 2000 Ford F150 with a 4.2 engine.  I pray every day that God watches over Mason and protects him from danger.  This was a blessing that he was not seriously injured.  I told Mason that God was with him, and that that had to be the reason why he didn’t sustain any bad injuries. 

I cried constantly practically the whole day.  I couldn’t forgive myself, and I couldn’t believe what I had done.  All I could do was keep berating myself, and cry.  I was completely bawling and shaking, and I just curled up in a ball in bed crying.  I could have seriously done damage, and I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I had. 

Mason seriously got angry with me because of how upset I was.  He believed that it was not my fault.  He told me that he should have reminded me to put it in neutral.  Of course my argument was that I should have known.  After the incident, I felt like it was all common sense.  First, make sure it’s in neutral.  Second, start the truck.  Third, slowly let out the clutch to make sure it isn’t going to go anywhere. 

I kept arguing with Mason that it was my fault and that I should have known, but he told me otherwise.  He kept repeating that he shouldn’t have been under the truck in the first place.  He told me that he actually hadn’t needed to be under the truck to check the muffler.  Mason also said that I shouldn’t be expected to know things like that because I wasn’t experienced in driving.  Therefore, stuff that would be common sense for him or you wasn’t for me. 

I still don’t know if I believe this or not.  I can’t believe what happened, or that I was the one that did it.  Nor do I ever want to believe it.  All I know is that I learned.  I will never start the truck without double checking that it’s in neutral, putting on the emergency brake, and slowly letting out the clutch.  Yesterday I didn’t have the emergency brake on because he wasn’t under the truck.  I still let out the clutch slow though.  Honestly, I didn’t even want to let it out.  I was terrified of moving forward. 

I have been a serious fanatic about the truck moving.  I always ask Mason when he’s working on the truck if he has the emergency brake on, and if it’s in gear.  I also repeatedly ask if the truck will move.  I am honestly terrified of that truck moving without Mason in it. 

The reason why I didn’t tell you this two weeks ago (I tried, but couldn’t finish writing it) was because I was afraid that you would think I did it on purpose.  Only a few people know what actually happened because I won’t let Mason tell the true story.  I know that some people may think that it is completely my fault, and that I was extremely stupid.  I would agree, but it doesn’t help to hear those words.  I’ve repeated them to myself many times. 

Anyways, I hope you understand.  That was the big incident that happened two weeks ago.  Our life is pretty hectic, but I know that we are extremely blessed.  Mason is still here in my life, and unbelievably, he was not hurt badly.  I am very grateful for this. 

Thanks for reading another small piece of our lives.  Have a great day.  Feel free to leave a comment, and remember to always make sure your vehicle is in neutral when you start it!

Old People, New Skin

It feels like it's been forever since we have seen Mason's grandmother.  Mason has seen her like two months ago, but I haven't seen or talked to her since we've been kicked out.  I guess today is the day that we see her again.  It feels like she knows the old us, and now we're new people. 

So today Mason's dad is having a family dinner, and his grandmother is coming.  We were invited/required to come if you know what I mean.  But she doesn't know that I'm pregnant, so I'm wearing a shirt that kind of shows off my baby bump.  Mason says I'm still in the in between stages of being obviously pregnant and not showing much.  We just want it to be an easy reveal, and no stress, but who knows what will happen. 

Wish us luck.  It should go well because Mason's been inching into talking to her again since the certain issues we had have been kicked out of the house.  I'm not so sure I'm ready to talk to her again though.  She almost ruined our lives and it didn't seem to bother her much, but it definitely bothered us.  I don't know if I've forgiven her yet.  I know you can't hold grudges, but kicking us out when she knew we didn't have anywhere to go was a big deal. 

I guess we'll have to see how everyone fends, and where the table conversation goes.  Who knows with her.  I'll let you know how everything goes tonight or tomorrow.  Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great day. 

Don't forget to thank God for the blessings today.  Even just the sky looks beautiful.  Maybe that's a good sign.  God is with me for this battle.

God Loves Us

God loves us.  He loves me, and He loves you.  But how is that possible?  How can God love me when I've made so many mistakes.  I mean, I'm pregnant out of wedlock at eighteen years old.  That's a sin. 

The truth is, everyone sins in their lifetime.  Some sin more, some sin less, and some are more serious sins.  When I talk about sins, you probably think about all of the things that you've done wrong.  Then, maybe you think, "Well, how does God still love me when I've been such a horrible person." 

The answer is this.  God loves us no matter what.  He also believes the best in us.  Unlike others, He will never give up on us.  Often times, God is standing at a closed door, continually knocking.  He never stops knocking.  More than anything, He wants us to answer that door.  He wants to be welcomed into our lives, and our hearts.  God wants to be a part of that. 

Plus, God is forgiving.  He is merciful, and loving.  Again, He doesn't give up on us.  Therefore, no matter how many times we sin, He will still knock on that door.  We will still have every opportunity to invite him in.  So why don't we? 

Maybe we're afraid.  God is such a huge being.  He's definitely not something to mess with.  This alone is enough to scare us.  Also, the matter of life and death.  That question is the biggest question.  Where do we go when we die? 

I believe that certain people go to heaven, and those people are the ones that have opened the door, and accepted Jesus into their hearts.  Sadly, I also believe that there is a hell.  I know that this place is not a welcoming place, and it is not a place that I want to spend eternity in. 

But why else don't we invite Him in?  I think that many people do not invite God in to their lives because they don't believe in themselves.  They don't believe that they deserve the love of our Father.  There could be various reasons for this, but they all amount to the same: a lie.  It is a lie that we don't deserve the love of God.  It is a lie that there is no hope for us. 

The thing is.  God doesn't lie to us.  Our hearts do.  Our hearts follow what they want, but not always what they need.  A lot of times they don't realize that what we really need is God in our lives.  We don't need to express ourselves through swear words.  We don't need to wear clothing that shows off our bodies, and we don't need anything to fulfill the love that God has for us.  We don't need it because God fulfills all the love that we need and long for.  He can help us express ourselves, and He believes that we are beautiful naturally, without wearing more revealing clothing. 

The lesson today is that all we need is God because God provides everything.  He will give us what we need, and He will bless us with what we want.  But we cannot expect these blessings.  To expect something from God is to dishonor him.  He does not go by our timing or our rules.  He has His own timing and His own rules.  Therefore, what God does for us is not what He needs to do.  He doesn't have to provide us with anything.  But because of His love for us, he provides everything. 

So what does this mean?  It means that God loves us!  He loves us no matter what, and that will never change.  Believe in His love, and trust in His forgiveness because He is the Lord our God, and we do desperately need Him.