How to Succeed in a Relationship

There are many people that are fighting to keep their relationships going.  They may be close to divorce, or just close to breaking up in general.  When it comes to having children together and keeping them happy, relationship is key.  It has to be healthy and well-rounded, but how can we do that?  What are the tricks that slip our minds, but are so easy that they can turn a relationship around in a short period of time?  Here is what I’ve found that has saved my relationship.

1.       Communication

Many people may say, “Well, duh!”  The truth is that a lot of relationships do not have good communication.  This is something that may just be what’s driving your partner insane. 

Things like not making decisions together, keeping things from each other, or not explaining your feelings to one another are all part of bad communication.  No one can expect their significant other to read their minds.  Once someone has been together so long, it may seem like they can hear each other’s thoughts, but they still use communication.  Communication is what brought them to this stage in their relationship.  They couldn’t have learned so much about each other if they were silent all the time. 

Therefore, when there’s a big decision that has to be made, include the one you love in it.  Even if you believe it only affects your life, ask them about it.  They might have a different perspective that you hadn’t even thought of. 

Next, don’t keep secrets!  Secrets are like a brick wall between you and your spouse.  When you aren’t open with each other, then you don’t learn about each other.  Many people only want their loved one to know the good things about them, so they keep their bad habits a secret.  This is what ruins things when you move in together.  It is a lot more difficult to keep secrets when you’re living under the same roof.  Plus, they will definitely notice your bad habits that you tried to hide.  So be open with your loved one from the start, and tell them everything about you.  Once you break the ice, they will be more likely to open up to you and everything will go both ways.  Believe me, you won’t be the only one with extreme gas, or the only one that steals the covers at night. 

2.       Trust

Trust is earned, not given.  Once you break someone’s trust, it is harder to get it back than it was the first time.  This is a hard truth to learn.  Some people are easier to gain trust than others, and other people can’t trust at all.  This is something that you have to expect in a relationship. 

Signs of little or no trust is calling your significant other multiple times in the day to check on them, or accusing them of stuff that you believe they did even if they didn’t. 

Sometimes you have to take that leap in someone even if it means getting hurt in the end.  That leap is what makes your relationship.  When you are always walking on your tip toes, your relationship isn’t going to be enjoyable.  The key is to give your loved one a chance.  If you don’t give them that benefit of a doubt, then you may not get that in return.  It isn’t easy to live in a relationship that has no trust.  In that case, you need to do everything in your power to gain his/her trust and keep it. 

There are ways to do this; some I’ve already mentioned:

a.       Honesty: Always be honest about what’s going on, and don’t keep secrets.

b.      Loyalty: This includes not cheating on your loved one, and many other things that I’ll mention later.

c.       Communication: When you talk to your loved one about everything, they will gain more trust in you.

These are just a few of the ways that you can gain trust from your spouse.  Remember, once you make one mistake and lose that trust, it is harder to get it back.  So think before you do something.

3.       Loyalty

Ever heard that saying, “You can look, but you can’t touch.”?  Unfortunately, many people go by this.  They believe that they can look at a girl’s chest, or a guy’s butt and get away with it because they didn’t actually do anything.  What they don’t think about is how that makes their loved one feel. 

When you do this, you are disrespecting that person that you love.  Do you love that girl walking down the street, or that guy walking without a shirt on?  No, I’m sure you don’t because you don’t know them.  You don’t understand what makes them tick, or what they enjoy doing.  You only see what they look like, and people can look attractive on the outside, but be completely ugly on the inside. 

Plus, when you look at someone in that way, it tempts you.  You may think, “Oh, I would love to have her/him in my bedroom.”  Sadly, this is what causes people to cheat.  You may not think that you would follow through with those thoughts, but eventually you might.  Maybe you got in an argument, and you don’t feel good about your relationship right at that time.  So you go out and cheat on your significant other.  Then, you come home, and he/she has made dinner for you to make up for the fight. 

How would that make you feel?  Obviously, you would feel horrible for what you had just done, but would you tell them?  Many people wouldn’t because they wouldn’t want another fight, or they would be scared that this would end their relationship.  This makes a secret, and a big one at that.  Again, secrets are a brick wall.  And all secrets add to another secret which in turn adds to another brick wall.  Eventually you won’t be able to even reach your loved one because the brick wall is so thick and tall.  

Just think about it.  One brick wall falling doesn’t make that much of a mess, right?  But think about five falling.  That’s not too bad.  Now think about fifteen.  We’re getting pretty messy, huh?  What about fifty?  Now we’re talking about a serious clean-up. 

One secret may not be that bad, but one always leads to another, and another, and another.  One may not ruin a relationship, but more than one might.  Not only that, but you don’t normally get caught with one secret.  A lot of times what happens is once they find out one thing, the whole ball of secrets comes into play because they figured it out.  This is what makes the mess.  This is what ends relationships.

So be loyal, and don’t cheat on your significant other.  Keep your eyes on the one that you love because that’s where they belong, and show them that you only love them.  This will keep your relationship going strong.

4.       Respect

This involves being loyal, but many other things are included.  Respect is a big part in a relationship.  When all you do is put that person down, and treat them like a dog, then your relationship isn’t going to last.  Your loved one needs respect.  So how can you respect them? 

Well, in order to respect someone you have to put yourselves in their shoes.  You need to understand what they go through every day.  Once you learn to think of that, it will be easier to respect them.  This may include respecting that they work long hours, or that they are very close to their parents. 

Now how can we respect these things?  Well, if they work long hours, you should get things done before they get home.  You should not wait for them to get home and ask them to help you.  They have had a long day, and it is nice to come home to a clean house where they can relax for the rest of the day.  Also, if they are very close to their parents, even if you aren’t, you need to respect this.  Don’t make fun of them for calling their parents so often, or going to visit them a lot.  You may not feel the same way, but everyone is different. 

Respect also includes watching what you say.  Arguments happen in relationships, but it’s how you handle that argument.  Respect is not screaming at each other, or getting into each other’s faces. 

These are just a few ways that you can have an argument respectfully:

a.       Keep your voice down.  No one appreciates being yelled at.

b.      Listen.  It’s always better to listen then talk.  You learn more this way, and you often save yourself by not saying what comes to your mind first. 

c.       Don’t try and talk over each other.  The point is to listen, learn, and take turns talking.  You won’t get anywhere if you keep talking over each other.

d.      Understand.  Don’t just think it’s your way or no way.  You have to understand their side.

There is many ways to respect the one you love, but keep these in mind.  They have the ability to change your relationship for the better if you follow through. 

5.       Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous can include surprises, or just anything.  Most of the things I’ve stated above are kind of expected.  They are not the special things that sends your spouse head over heels, but they will definitely bring a huge difference.  But the miscellaneous things will be what makes your relationship the best you can make it.

Like I said, miscellaneous is like surprises.  It’s anything that you wouldn’t do normally.  Maybe buy your girl flowers and chocolates, or if you want to go all out, a piece of jewelry.  Girls, if you don’t make dinner for them already, surprise them with a nice dinner.  Guys you can do this too.  Don’t forget to go out on dates where you can have your much needed alone time. 

There is an infinite amount of things that you could do for your significant other to surprise them.  The key is for it to be something that you wouldn’t normally do, and something that they wouldn’t expect of you.  This will make it even more special. 

There you have it.  These are the five ways I’ve found that make a relationship as perfect as it can be.  Even if a relationship can’t be absolutely perfect, you can make it really close. 

This is all from my personal experience, and what has worked for us.  All of these things are a lifesaver, and we continue to use these every day.  It’s saved our relationship, and made it a healthier and happier engagement.  With the stress of life, you need that person to come home to that makes you the happiest person in the world. 

Keep in mind that this may not work for everyone.  Again, this is based on my personal experiences.  These five steps should bring a change to your relationship, and bring love back to life.

Life Update

The past two weeks have been extremely hectic, but there were great moments at the same time. 

First, as you know, Mason got ran over by the truck two weeks ago.  He is fine, and isn’t sore from it anymore.  All of his cuts are almost completely healed, and his bruises are gone. 

What you don’t know though is that on Thursday, Mason would say, “I got in a fight with a hedge trimmer.”  Mason was working on Thursday, and it was only 8:30 in the morning.  On that day he started at 7am.  He had picked up a hedge trimmer, and “got in a fight with it.”  As you’ve probably guessed, the hedge trimmer won. 

At first he thought that he only nicked himself with it, but I received a phone call at 8:45.  He told me that he cut his knee and had to go to the emergency room for stitches.  I was upset, but not too upset because he is prone to injuries.  He always ends up getting hurt somehow.  I learned later that he realized how bad it was when blood started seeping through his jeans. 

He told me that it hadn’t actually really hurt.  Mason even said that at the hospital he asked all the nurses and his doctor why it hurt less than what a paper cut does.  The nurses couldn’t give him an answer, but the doctor said that it was because some places have more nerves than others. 

According to Mason, the 6 numbing shots were a lot worse than what the three stitches were.  Luckily that was all he needed, and his tendon hadn’t been involved.  What the doctor didn’t realize was that Mason must have hit the bone a little bit. 

We figured this out because after the numbing medicine wore off, he was in a lot of pain.  By that night he could barely put weight on it, and he was in tears from the pain.  Keep in mind, Mason has ulcerative colitis and is really good with pain.  He RARELY reaches this point, but he did and I knew we needed to do something about it. 

So that night we went to the emergency room in town.  It wasn’t the same ER that he had went to for the stitches, but he wasn’t able to drive that far to that hospital. 

We spent almost four hours in the waiting room.  Once we got back to the room the nurse said that it sounded like bone pain.  Mason said yeah because he knew what incision pain felt like.  He’s had three surgeries, and seven stitches in that same knee.  The nurse says okay and that she’ll send the doctor in. 

We sat there for an hour waiting for the doctor.  I was exhausted seeing as it was running on 11pm.  Therefore, I was not in the best mood.  I was hungry because we had been there so long, and I had forgotten a snack and I just wanted to go home. 

Well, the doctor arrived and looked at his knee for about a minute.  Then he said that Mason shouldn’t be in that kind of pain.  Basically saying that he was lying.  After that, he repeated the instructions of the first doctor that put in the stitches and said to take Tylenol.  Mason told him that Tylenol wasn’t working, but he didn’t say anything.  The doctor was in there a total of five minutes, and then we were discharged. 

It is an understatement to say we were upset.  They did not do anything for him besides repeat what we already knew.  They didn’t recommend crutches or anything along those lines. 

So we left with Mason still in a lot of pain.  The next day I got my older brother’s old crutches out, and Mason used them.  This helped a lot and by Sunday he was able to walk on it again.  If only the doctor would have recommended crutches! 

Anyways, Mason’s back to work today, and his stitches are healing really well.  He’s able to bend his knee more, and he isn’t in nearly as much pain as he was.  We are very thankful that he is healing so fast.  He will be getting his stitches out on Thursday. 

On a higher note, yesterday Mason and I went to a restaurant.  You may be surprised to hear that Mason and I have never done anything like this.  Sure, we’ve been to fast food restaurants, but we never went to a restaurant where you get waited on.  We’d done this with our families, but never with each other. 

It turned out that the food was amazing, and the service was equally as good.  The buns that we received were hot and really soft; not including delicious!  We didn’t even finish our appetizers before we had our meals, and believe me, they were meals.  Neither of us could finish what was on our plates. 

This was so much fun, and we’ve decided that we’re going to do it more often.  We’re thinking that we want to do it once more before Jason gets here, and then do it every couple months after that.  Needless to say, I was a very happy pregnant lady after our dinner. 

Other than that, Mason and I are doing amazing.  Our relationship has only been getting better and stronger.  We are extremely happy together, and we can’t wait for Jason to get here.  He is always on our minds.  I can’t wait to be a family because I know it will be perfect.  I’m not in the fairy tale where I don’t think it will be hard.  I know it will be hard, and I know we will have our moments.  But this is normal, and I expect it and even welcome it.  Life can’t be easy.  If life were easy, how would we get stronger? 

Well, that’s our life update.  Thanks for reading, and have an amazing day!  Don’t forget to leave a comment!

4th of July

Mason and I finally made plans for the 4th of July.  I am extremely excited!  We are going to see some amazing fireworks, and have a great night together.  It will be just us with Jason probably kicking me like crazy.  Neither of us have ever seen fireworks as amazing as we're seeing on Wednesday.  Normally our town doesn't have that great of fireworks because we're a small town and we don't have the money, but this is different.  It will be like nothing we've ever seen before. 

So far Mason and I have never got to really spend a holiday together without anyone else, and this will be the first time that we'll have the night to ourselves.  It will be absolutely amazing. 

I cannot wait!  Please let me know how your 4th of July goes.  I'll be sure to let you know about ours.  We've also decided that we're going to do this every year, and when Jason's old enough, we'll take him too.  We don't want to take him when he's really little because of the crowd, and being far from home.  We might not go when he's little, or we might have our family friend babysit him.  But in the end, this will become a tradition that I'm sure he'll love. 

It's amazing how everything falls together so perfectly.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

God Loves Us

God loves us.  He loves me, and He loves you.  But how is that possible?  How can God love me when I've made so many mistakes.  I mean, I'm pregnant out of wedlock at eighteen years old.  That's a sin. 

The truth is, everyone sins in their lifetime.  Some sin more, some sin less, and some are more serious sins.  When I talk about sins, you probably think about all of the things that you've done wrong.  Then, maybe you think, "Well, how does God still love me when I've been such a horrible person." 

The answer is this.  God loves us no matter what.  He also believes the best in us.  Unlike others, He will never give up on us.  Often times, God is standing at a closed door, continually knocking.  He never stops knocking.  More than anything, He wants us to answer that door.  He wants to be welcomed into our lives, and our hearts.  God wants to be a part of that. 

Plus, God is forgiving.  He is merciful, and loving.  Again, He doesn't give up on us.  Therefore, no matter how many times we sin, He will still knock on that door.  We will still have every opportunity to invite him in.  So why don't we? 

Maybe we're afraid.  God is such a huge being.  He's definitely not something to mess with.  This alone is enough to scare us.  Also, the matter of life and death.  That question is the biggest question.  Where do we go when we die? 

I believe that certain people go to heaven, and those people are the ones that have opened the door, and accepted Jesus into their hearts.  Sadly, I also believe that there is a hell.  I know that this place is not a welcoming place, and it is not a place that I want to spend eternity in. 

But why else don't we invite Him in?  I think that many people do not invite God in to their lives because they don't believe in themselves.  They don't believe that they deserve the love of our Father.  There could be various reasons for this, but they all amount to the same: a lie.  It is a lie that we don't deserve the love of God.  It is a lie that there is no hope for us. 

The thing is.  God doesn't lie to us.  Our hearts do.  Our hearts follow what they want, but not always what they need.  A lot of times they don't realize that what we really need is God in our lives.  We don't need to express ourselves through swear words.  We don't need to wear clothing that shows off our bodies, and we don't need anything to fulfill the love that God has for us.  We don't need it because God fulfills all the love that we need and long for.  He can help us express ourselves, and He believes that we are beautiful naturally, without wearing more revealing clothing. 

The lesson today is that all we need is God because God provides everything.  He will give us what we need, and He will bless us with what we want.  But we cannot expect these blessings.  To expect something from God is to dishonor him.  He does not go by our timing or our rules.  He has His own timing and His own rules.  Therefore, what God does for us is not what He needs to do.  He doesn't have to provide us with anything.  But because of His love for us, he provides everything. 

So what does this mean?  It means that God loves us!  He loves us no matter what, and that will never change.  Believe in His love, and trust in His forgiveness because He is the Lord our God, and we do desperately need Him.

I Love How He Loves Me

Another fact about me: I love writing.  I've been writing since my little sister passed away.  It's helped me to get my feelings out, and it turned out to be a great way for healing.  Mostly I write poetry, but I have wrote some short stories, and started some novels.  The only problem is finishing the novels, it never happens. 

I thought I'd share with you what I wrote for Mason.  It'll give you an idea just how much I love him.  Our relationship is not always perfect, I'll admit that, but we will always be there for each other and our baby.  He will have a mommy and daddy, and we'll raise him together as a family. 

Anyways, before I keep getting off topic, here it is.  It's called I Love How He Loves Me

A kiss on the cheek there,
An arm around me here.
The glimmer in his eyes,
Shows me how much he cares.

He takes me in his truck,
A ride to no where;
Just places for us to see,
Only us, together. 

The whisper of the wind,
The tweet of the birds,
All tell me the story of his heart,
In several words.
Yes, I love how he loves me.

Thanks for reading.