How to Succeed in a Relationship

There are many people that are fighting to keep their relationships going.  They may be close to divorce, or just close to breaking up in general.  When it comes to having children together and keeping them happy, relationship is key.  It has to be healthy and well-rounded, but how can we do that?  What are the tricks that slip our minds, but are so easy that they can turn a relationship around in a short period of time?  Here is what I’ve found that has saved my relationship.

1.       Communication

Many people may say, “Well, duh!”  The truth is that a lot of relationships do not have good communication.  This is something that may just be what’s driving your partner insane. 

Things like not making decisions together, keeping things from each other, or not explaining your feelings to one another are all part of bad communication.  No one can expect their significant other to read their minds.  Once someone has been together so long, it may seem like they can hear each other’s thoughts, but they still use communication.  Communication is what brought them to this stage in their relationship.  They couldn’t have learned so much about each other if they were silent all the time. 

Therefore, when there’s a big decision that has to be made, include the one you love in it.  Even if you believe it only affects your life, ask them about it.  They might have a different perspective that you hadn’t even thought of. 

Next, don’t keep secrets!  Secrets are like a brick wall between you and your spouse.  When you aren’t open with each other, then you don’t learn about each other.  Many people only want their loved one to know the good things about them, so they keep their bad habits a secret.  This is what ruins things when you move in together.  It is a lot more difficult to keep secrets when you’re living under the same roof.  Plus, they will definitely notice your bad habits that you tried to hide.  So be open with your loved one from the start, and tell them everything about you.  Once you break the ice, they will be more likely to open up to you and everything will go both ways.  Believe me, you won’t be the only one with extreme gas, or the only one that steals the covers at night. 

2.       Trust

Trust is earned, not given.  Once you break someone’s trust, it is harder to get it back than it was the first time.  This is a hard truth to learn.  Some people are easier to gain trust than others, and other people can’t trust at all.  This is something that you have to expect in a relationship. 

Signs of little or no trust is calling your significant other multiple times in the day to check on them, or accusing them of stuff that you believe they did even if they didn’t. 

Sometimes you have to take that leap in someone even if it means getting hurt in the end.  That leap is what makes your relationship.  When you are always walking on your tip toes, your relationship isn’t going to be enjoyable.  The key is to give your loved one a chance.  If you don’t give them that benefit of a doubt, then you may not get that in return.  It isn’t easy to live in a relationship that has no trust.  In that case, you need to do everything in your power to gain his/her trust and keep it. 

There are ways to do this; some I’ve already mentioned:

a.       Honesty: Always be honest about what’s going on, and don’t keep secrets.

b.      Loyalty: This includes not cheating on your loved one, and many other things that I’ll mention later.

c.       Communication: When you talk to your loved one about everything, they will gain more trust in you.

These are just a few of the ways that you can gain trust from your spouse.  Remember, once you make one mistake and lose that trust, it is harder to get it back.  So think before you do something.

3.       Loyalty

Ever heard that saying, “You can look, but you can’t touch.”?  Unfortunately, many people go by this.  They believe that they can look at a girl’s chest, or a guy’s butt and get away with it because they didn’t actually do anything.  What they don’t think about is how that makes their loved one feel. 

When you do this, you are disrespecting that person that you love.  Do you love that girl walking down the street, or that guy walking without a shirt on?  No, I’m sure you don’t because you don’t know them.  You don’t understand what makes them tick, or what they enjoy doing.  You only see what they look like, and people can look attractive on the outside, but be completely ugly on the inside. 

Plus, when you look at someone in that way, it tempts you.  You may think, “Oh, I would love to have her/him in my bedroom.”  Sadly, this is what causes people to cheat.  You may not think that you would follow through with those thoughts, but eventually you might.  Maybe you got in an argument, and you don’t feel good about your relationship right at that time.  So you go out and cheat on your significant other.  Then, you come home, and he/she has made dinner for you to make up for the fight. 

How would that make you feel?  Obviously, you would feel horrible for what you had just done, but would you tell them?  Many people wouldn’t because they wouldn’t want another fight, or they would be scared that this would end their relationship.  This makes a secret, and a big one at that.  Again, secrets are a brick wall.  And all secrets add to another secret which in turn adds to another brick wall.  Eventually you won’t be able to even reach your loved one because the brick wall is so thick and tall.  

Just think about it.  One brick wall falling doesn’t make that much of a mess, right?  But think about five falling.  That’s not too bad.  Now think about fifteen.  We’re getting pretty messy, huh?  What about fifty?  Now we’re talking about a serious clean-up. 

One secret may not be that bad, but one always leads to another, and another, and another.  One may not ruin a relationship, but more than one might.  Not only that, but you don’t normally get caught with one secret.  A lot of times what happens is once they find out one thing, the whole ball of secrets comes into play because they figured it out.  This is what makes the mess.  This is what ends relationships.

So be loyal, and don’t cheat on your significant other.  Keep your eyes on the one that you love because that’s where they belong, and show them that you only love them.  This will keep your relationship going strong.

4.       Respect

This involves being loyal, but many other things are included.  Respect is a big part in a relationship.  When all you do is put that person down, and treat them like a dog, then your relationship isn’t going to last.  Your loved one needs respect.  So how can you respect them? 

Well, in order to respect someone you have to put yourselves in their shoes.  You need to understand what they go through every day.  Once you learn to think of that, it will be easier to respect them.  This may include respecting that they work long hours, or that they are very close to their parents. 

Now how can we respect these things?  Well, if they work long hours, you should get things done before they get home.  You should not wait for them to get home and ask them to help you.  They have had a long day, and it is nice to come home to a clean house where they can relax for the rest of the day.  Also, if they are very close to their parents, even if you aren’t, you need to respect this.  Don’t make fun of them for calling their parents so often, or going to visit them a lot.  You may not feel the same way, but everyone is different. 

Respect also includes watching what you say.  Arguments happen in relationships, but it’s how you handle that argument.  Respect is not screaming at each other, or getting into each other’s faces. 

These are just a few ways that you can have an argument respectfully:

a.       Keep your voice down.  No one appreciates being yelled at.

b.      Listen.  It’s always better to listen then talk.  You learn more this way, and you often save yourself by not saying what comes to your mind first. 

c.       Don’t try and talk over each other.  The point is to listen, learn, and take turns talking.  You won’t get anywhere if you keep talking over each other.

d.      Understand.  Don’t just think it’s your way or no way.  You have to understand their side.

There is many ways to respect the one you love, but keep these in mind.  They have the ability to change your relationship for the better if you follow through. 

5.       Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous can include surprises, or just anything.  Most of the things I’ve stated above are kind of expected.  They are not the special things that sends your spouse head over heels, but they will definitely bring a huge difference.  But the miscellaneous things will be what makes your relationship the best you can make it.

Like I said, miscellaneous is like surprises.  It’s anything that you wouldn’t do normally.  Maybe buy your girl flowers and chocolates, or if you want to go all out, a piece of jewelry.  Girls, if you don’t make dinner for them already, surprise them with a nice dinner.  Guys you can do this too.  Don’t forget to go out on dates where you can have your much needed alone time. 

There is an infinite amount of things that you could do for your significant other to surprise them.  The key is for it to be something that you wouldn’t normally do, and something that they wouldn’t expect of you.  This will make it even more special. 

There you have it.  These are the five ways I’ve found that make a relationship as perfect as it can be.  Even if a relationship can’t be absolutely perfect, you can make it really close. 

This is all from my personal experience, and what has worked for us.  All of these things are a lifesaver, and we continue to use these every day.  It’s saved our relationship, and made it a healthier and happier engagement.  With the stress of life, you need that person to come home to that makes you the happiest person in the world. 

Keep in mind that this may not work for everyone.  Again, this is based on my personal experiences.  These five steps should bring a change to your relationship, and bring love back to life.